Our Family Roots
As the first grandchild of our beloved grandparents, it is a privilege and honor to be entrusted with sharing this story. We all come from the same love and dedication that Nana and Grandpa, and hence our parents, had shown us growing up. I am so proud to say that my parents never ever uttered a word of racism, collectivism, or other marginalizing comments of anyone different than us. It is from that love and respect that I share this with each of you, in hopes you can find some level of acceptance and understanding of what I am about to share.
Introduction: The Gender Binary and the Reality of Intersex Individuals
For most of my life, I’ve understood gender as a binary—male or female. Society reinforces this idea at every turn, from birth certificates to school bathrooms. But in reality, human biology is far more complex. Among us are intersex individuals—people born with both male and female biological traits. Their bodies do not fit the strict definitions of male or female, yet most are assigned one gender at birth, often through surgical intervention or hormonal treatments, without their consent.
My travels have opened my eyes to realities that much of society prefers to ignore. Living in Thailand for over a decade and visiting since 2008, I have seen firsthand how intersex individuals, hermaphrodites, and transgender people—often referred to as “ladyboys”—navigate their place in the world. While Thailand may be more outwardly accepting than many Western nations, these individuals still face societal and personal struggles. They survive in a system that simultaneously acknowledges their existence yet keeps them on the margins. Their resilience and ability to carve out identities within a complex social structure have made me reconsider how rigid and often misguided Western gender norms can be.
A Personal Discovery: My Cousin’s Story
This subject became personal when my cousin, at nearly 56 years old, confided in me that she was born intersex. I had known her (formerly him) all my life as a quiet, gentle, and reserved person—a stark contrast to our often-rambunctious family. Her caring, loving parents were led to believe it was best to raise her as male, and to never acknowledge. As puberty began, she was naturally developing as a girl initially, so to reinforce the male identity, she went through what we call today as Female to Male hormone therapy (HRT). Through the rest of puberty she developed male traits, reinforcing the doctors’ treatments at birth. She developed most of the same traits boys do, including strength; yet internally, something always felt misaligned, and never aware of her genuine gender until a recent life event.
Growing up, I never questioned why my cousin was different; to me, he was simply just the way he was—soft-spoken, kind, and observant. But looking back, I now see how she carried out a silent struggle, one that was shaped by a decision she had no knowledge or control over. Now, the realization of the imposed social framework she had been living within is both heartbreaking and eye-opening. The impact goes beyond her and includes her parents and all of her nuclear family, and to some extent, all of us.
A Surprise Discovered During Surgery
I had been in touch with my cousin during a double bypass surgery, when he reached out to me to share of his life-threatening experience. I (errantly) had gotten him laughing (post bypass surgery) which is a no-no!! I lost touch with my cousin, though I did try to reach out. I figured he was getting his strength back and would reach out when he had time. I had no idea the gravity of what he was dealing with… until recently, when I understood more of what happened. During the heart surgery, the doctors discovered that they had mis-calculated the size of the heart valve to be installed; based on my cousin’s size, an apparent typical calculation had been made. When my cousin awoke the doctor exclaimed “Why didn’t you tell me?” which drew puzzlement and no idea what the doctor had implied. It was then, that my cousin discovered that he had ovaries… “WHAT!?!” my cousin exclaimed. What proceeded was the newfound realization that my cousin had both male and female reproductive organs.
Further research and many questions brought up understandable grief and pain. No blame was ever placed; my cousin’s parents did what they thought was best at the time. And what a struggle that must’ve been at the time for both of them! It makes sense why my cousin’s parents were always a bit quiet and reserved around the family. Though my uncle would crack a joke and a smile, from time to time, reinforcing that he was a D’Entremont! LOL
My cousin went on to explain me to that the doctors instructed him to stop taking testosterone and steroids for building strength; something he had done his whole life! As a result, her body started to evolve into her nature state; as a woman.
My cousin is now living as a woman, as she stopped taking male hormone, due to medical reasons, and her body has started to detransition naturally. Her male traits from puberty scar her for life, but she is fortunate enough to “go under the radar” as she calls it.
Understanding the Impact
The more I learned about intersex individuals, the more I realized how little western society acknowledges their existence. Many people live their entire lives without questioning the narratives they were given about gender, yet for intersex individuals, the journey to self-understanding is often fraught with confusion, medical intervention, and secrecy.
My cousin’s story has taught me the importance of allowing individuals to define themselves on their own terms. It’s also made me question how many others out there have been living with a similar burden—silently conforming, afraid to speak out, or unaware of the truth about their own biology.
A Call for Awareness and Understanding
Intersex people deserve to be recognized, understood, and accepted without the pressure of conforming to societal expectations. Their identities are not medical conditions to be “fixed” but natural variations of human biology. I hope that sharing my cousin’s journey helps others gain awareness and compassion, not just for intersex individuals, but for anyone who struggles with an identity that was imposed upon them rather than chosen.
It would surprise you, as it did me; the population of persons who are considered intersex is estimated at 1.7% of the US population. That number translates to more than 5 million individuals. Let that sink in for a moment… the struggle these souls have had to endure, the fear of ‘coming our’, the confusion, and finally acceptance of what is.
If there’s one thing I’ve taken away from this experience, it’s that the most important thing we can do is listen; to the science, to the stories, and most importantly, to the individuals who have lived these realities. Social judgement is rampant in today’s society. I personally call it God’s test of acceptance and compassion, as Jesus would do.
My cousin is the same soul I have known, since childhood. Now, like a Rising Phoenix, she has discovered her true self and more importantly, a powerful message to those who would judge and scoff, for being different.
Jamie would welcome anyone in the family and friends, who wished to connect and share, lovingly.
Maurie